eunoias | Worry For Someone Close

Varon lolled his head toward the door with a sigh. His eyes closed, he hadn't bothered to open them. Everything that he found out was taking a turn for the worse. He discovered the truth about his parents, which didn't settle well with him. The truth about his abandonment made him restless mentally. He was trying to calm his mind.

With the recent coming out with his relationship with Resa to Dartz added another complication. He had to tell her, but he couldn't bring himself to give her the terrible news. He knew she was behind that door. It was time to face his girlfriend, to tell her the truth of his past that he had kept hidden for so long was not going to be easy.

"It's open." His eyes still closed to stave off the tears. Don't turn on the light.

Resa sighed, resting her forehead against the door as she waited for him to answer. She had a gut feeling that things weren't good and that he needed some form of comfort.

One thing the Stone offered was a connection with those who wielded it. She could feel his anger, sadness and wanted to alleviate it. So, when she heard his voice, she opened the door and walked in, not turning on the light. Behind her, she closed the door and sat down, just offering him a hug.

"I'm here."

He sat up and instantly held on to her. It took everything he had to not shed any tears for two people that he didn't know in his life. They brought him into the world, yet they didn't care enough to keep him. Something was definitely wrong and it was tearing Varon apart from the inside. With his connection to Resa, he knew it would be inevitable before she would find out about his emotional state.

"I didn't know them...but I can't help that I feel terrible." Varon's voice cracked.

Her hand threaded through his hair, feeling him trembling from just the sheer weight of everything. She rested her chin on his shoulder and moved to rub his back at the same time. She was here for him and wanted to show it.

"It's all right. No one will judge you for crying." Her voice was soft and calm.

The softness was just what he needed. Letting out his pent up feelings was enough to cause his entire body to shake in silent sobs. Just as she cried in front of him, he let himself go. The emotional surge was enough to let the pain go. Years of not knowing his parents, not know where he came from, he finally had an answer and it hurt.

"I'm sorry." Varon spoke softly. "I'm sorry you can't meet 'em." He really wanted something to show of his upbringing, and all he had was himself.

She cried in front of him loads of times, especially when she lapsed back into who she used to be. But, now it was his time and she was ready to be his rock, his crutch to stand on. She remembered one thing that her mother did with her and that was gently rock Varon as he cried, rubbing his back as well as his hair to console him.

"It's... It's okay. It's not your fault," she said in the same tone, still doing her best to console him.

It wasn't the fact that he didn't trust her. Far from it actually, which made him realize that in order to move on he had to say what really happened back home.

"My mother died when she was eighteen. My father died at twenty-four. They were three years apart. She was sixteen when I was born. I did the math." It was the math that bothered him. His hands gripped the material of her tank top subconsciously and he didn't want to let go.

The tears came and it was evident in his voice. He didn't know if he should feel shame, or anger from what he discovered. Everything felt like it was crashing around him and he couldn't stop the flow. It was as if the dam had broke and he ran out of cement.

...Shit. Just what in the hell could she say to news such as that? For the first time in a while, she felt her blood run cold as her eyes went wide. She shook her head a bit and steadied her emotions.

"I-I'm... I'm sorry," she said. She wanted to take away his pain and put it under her own. Her arms wrapped around him tighter, trying to figure out what to say that would help him out.

"Just... just let it all out. Remember what you said to me and I eventually felt better? Just do that. I won't leave."

"It's not your problem." He didn't intend to sound cold. His emotional state left him feeling on edge and slightly off kilter. To make matters worse, he couldn't figure out how it happened either. No one was talking and he wasn't about to start getting in contact with his grandparents to find out. He found his parents, which was a personal mission that he was on since he started working for Doma and one of the many reasons that he often ran away.

Now that the mystery was solved, he had two names to choose. "I think...I need a break. Not from us, from work." He tried to hide again. It was too much at this time to bear and he didn't want to drag her down through his issues.

She didn't blame him for the coldness. She knew his emotions tended to swing rather erratically and she didn't fault him for that. She was like that too - it was like they were two peas in a pod. Two sides of the same coin. Still, she wouldn't wish what was happening with Varon on anyone, even on her greatest enemy.

"I can put in a request for you and see what Dartz thinks. I don't think he wants you to work when you have this kind of dilemma on your shoulders. But," she paused as she took his chin in her hands. "I've told you about the deepest, darkest parts of my past." The attempted rape, the psych ward, the abuse - everything. "You don't need to hide anything from me, all right?"

"He won't go for it. He's gonna want me on a mission with or without emotional baggage. He's gonna tell me t' get over it. I know Raph would." Varon answered to Raphael first in the chain of command. It wasn't as if he didn't want to go that route. He wanted time. He needed rest. Instead, he internalized a lot more than he should and let that dam break when he engaged in a fight.

"Please, stay with me. It's okay. I don't need someone t' tell me that it's gonna be fine. They're gone. I'll move on." Varon pulled back slightly from the embrace to wipe his eyes. "It's not like I knew 'em."

Right. She should have remembered that part. Even when she wasn't emotionally well to go on a mission, she was still told to perform her duties whether she liked it or not. That was another thankless part of the job. What more she could say was stopped by Varon's next words.

Soon, she took his hands into her own and moved to wipe his tears with her thumbs. "You're still human, though, and that's what I like the most about you. Don't hold back, all right? But, I'll stay. I don't have anything else to do."

I'm sorry. It's hard to talk about it when there's so much pain. I'm not sure myself the reasons...but I am here. You're here an' that's all that matters, right? His mind sifted through everything that happened while he was back home.

He closed his eyes, letting his mental images appear. The grave stones of his mother comes first. He stood on the edge of the grave with a sheet of folded paper in his hand and a single red rose. He knelt down to place the rose at the top of the grave marker without a word. He had nothing to say. Talking to the dead felt strange to him. Instead, he gripped his left wrist where Resa had given him the friendship bracelet and the charred rosary from his now deceased caretaker.

The emotional impact was stronger than the images themselves. What would it have been like to know you? His tears poured through his tightly closed eyes again. It was too much even for him.

Resa closed her own eyes, hearing his thoughts and seeing the images he had inside. You're hurting and I can understand that. I'm here to try to make it feel better. But, yes, I'm here and I won't leave you.

She frowned and placed her hand on where his own hand was and gripped it tightly to show that she wasn't going to leave for anything. She then placed her forehead against his own, still closing her eyes.

Let it all out. You know, it's said that those we lose are still here in our hearts.

Resa's telepathic link to him and her unspoken words caused him to shutter then finally break into sobs. His face buried on Resa's shoulder. He knew that she was right and now it was time for him to finally grieve for the first time in his life.

He had a feeling that his parents were dead before. He didn't know if it was true until he saw those graves. He faded into the background in the family structure and he knew there was nothing left other than his discovered name and now Resa.

I have t' be...strong.

Once again, she went to hug him and rub his back. She knew it was his time to grieve and she wasn't going to leave. "Ssssh..."

However, she could at least try to offer comforting words to him. You can be weak, too. You don't need to be strong all the time. It's okay - it shows character. In fact... I've been looking for a reason to discard my last name. What's the last name you have?

De la Costa. It was my mother's. She had no other son's t' carry on for her. He was sobbing still physically that he couldn't speak. The comfort did help. Even if he was sobbing quietly, it was still enough to know that he was grieving.

I'll be Resa de la Costa and Esmerelda shall be Esmerelda de la Costa, too. She was still hugging him and consoling him, trying to alleviate his pain somehow.

"Are you sure about that?" He pulled away slightly in shock. "Might as well make that official and get married...once I figure out the legal stuff."

He holds on to Resa's hands and looked down. "That's if...you want to." Once he realized the gravity of his spoken words, he sobered up enough to understand what happened.

"Totally sure," Resa said with a bright smile. "I'll legally go by Resa Vanuatu, but here, I'll be Resa de la Costa."

She thought about it and knew that she was taking it too fast with this, but she smiled confidently at him. "How about after all this? After Doma?"

"I can live with that." He smiled. Of course at this point, his troubles were pushed back yet again. He often lived in the moment and any deviation meant a change in his thinking pattern if he chose it.

It didn't seem to bother him now that he was no longer crying about the things he couldn't change. With the lights off, it was hard to see what he was hiding yet he knew that Resa would know from her ability to read his thoughts. He never could hide from her long.

If Resa could get him to focus on other things, then she was happy. In fact, one of the unofficial jobs she picked out was to worry about all the operatives and see how they were to make Doma run like a well-oiled machine firing at all cylinders.

"Do you want me to get a washcloth so you can wipe your face or do you just want to stay here?"

"I'll need a shower." Which was true. Since his return from Australia, he felt dirty from his excursion in learning about his past. He didn't smell any different, other than his usual road dirt and diesel exhaust from trucks.

Colognes didn't seem to last long...unless he had to go somewhere that required him to smell like he dipped himself in something girly. Most of the time those bottles were left untouched.

"All right. I'll sit here and wait. Do you, um, need any help with that sort of stuff?" Showering for her was a weird topic. She spent a godawful amount of time in the bathroom as it was with her hair, but it seemed like there was something else she did. Something a bit more harmful. Whatever it was, it was a nasty habit to break.

But, true to her word, she went and made some room on the bed, crossing her legs over one another.

"Only if ya want." A smirk appeared just then. He had moments of strange intensity through his emotional state at times. Grabbing his towel and a fresh change of clothes, he removed his boots as he sat at the edge of his bed.

Setting the boots aside, he sat up and looked over at Resa from over his shoulder to steel a quick kiss in the process. "I'll be okay. No worries."

Mentally, he was not okay. He became quite the expert at hiding what was really bothering him, and he learned how to repress thoughts by showing something else completely different.

His grief was short lived and certainly unnatural.

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